Thank you, normanbuckley <3
I can’t believe it’s been 100 days already. I bet Alison is counting the days too. The reason I’m saying this is because I went to the children’s ward in the morning and I found a red coat hanging right next to a new Alison doll.
I approached the red coat and noticed the doll was holding a piece of paper. I took it out of her hand and realized it was a message from A.
"I’m watching you. -A"
At first I thought it was one of the crazies, who probably got bored and somehow found out what I had done. But then I went to the next room to get one of my dolls and I found a black hoodie next to a new “loser Mona” doll. That doll had a message from A as well: “Scared yet? You should be, bitch. -A”
I remembered writing both of these messages to Alison, so the whole thing was getting creepy. I took the doll and the hoodie and turned around to walk out of the room, but then I noticed 4 other new dolls sitting on a bed, and each of them was also holding a piece of paper. I put down the doll and the hoodie and checked the messages, three of them were also slightly altered messages I had sent to Ali: “It’s my turn to torture you. -A,” “Dying to know where I am? You’ll find out. -A,” and “You think you’re safe in Radley, but you’re not when I’m on the inside. -A.”
The last doll with a message was a Hanna doll. That doll wasn’t brand new like all the other ones, she was dirty and bloody. I looked around to see if anyone was watching me but it didn’t seem like it, so I read the last message: “These dolls will miss their mommy very much.”
This one wasn’t signed. I took all the new dolls, the messages, the red coat and the hoodie and went to the attic. I was going to put everything in one of the many boxes with old stuff in it, but then I saw a blonde with a red coat facing the window. I asked who it was, and she turned around. I’m still not sure what exactly I saw, because it couldn’t have been real. It was Alison, but the skin on her face looked like the skin of someone who’s been dead for a few weeks. She asked me if I missed her and her voice sounded exactly like Ali’s. Then she started walking towards me.
I was convinced I was just hallucinating, so I closed my eyes and waited. I heard every step when she was walking towards me and then she stopped. I opened my eyes and she was gone, but a doll was lying on the floor right in front of me. That doll was also new, but she had blood all over her face. I picked her up and used my sleeve to clean up the blood, but I couldn’t figure out who the doll was representing at first. I checked the back and the words ‘Leona Vanderwaal’ were written on the back of the doll’s dress in blood.
I dropped the doll on the floor and ran downstairs to talk to Lisa. I didn’t care about the fact that I had to pretend to be crazy anymore, I just couldn’t let anything bad happen to my mom. But Radley was empty. I checked every room and the nurses were gone, the patients were gone and the rest of the staff was gone as well. I ran towards the front door to get out, but it was locked. Then I heard Alison laughing and the sound of her laughter was coming from everywhere. The floor, the ceiling, the walls, the chairs, even the piano…
And then I saw Lisa. She was turned away from me, so I just stood there looking at her for a few moments. I was afraid her face would be all messed up like Alison’s was earlier. I slowly walked towards her and she turned around. Thank goodness she looked normal!
I took a deep breath and started explaining what was going on, but she just kept staring at me without saying anything or even blinking. At some point I stopped talking and asked if she could hear me, but then she put her hands around my neck. I tried everything to get away from her, but she was too strong. I couldn’t breathe…
I eventually fell on the floor and right before I was about to pass out, she let go. I crawled away from her and started running towards the children’s ward. But then I couldn’t run anymore. After a few seconds I just fell on the floor. I looked at my hands and and realized I couldn’t feel them anymore. I touched my face and I couldn’t feel it either. Things were getting blurry… and then…
I was suddenly sitting on my bed in my room. Hanna was there. I couldn’t move or hear her at first, but then I slowly started to hear what she was saying. She was telling me I need to eat and that I’ll die if I don’t, and also that even though she’ll never forgive me for everything I’d done, she doesn’t want me to die either. I realized that everything that happened today wasn’t just a hallucination. I never even left my room. I guess it’s official - I’m losing it.
Writing a special 100th Radley Diary entry and it’s suuuuuper long and super creepy. I really hope you’ll enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it ^.^
And before anyone asks, no, this is not the last entry. I plan on writing about 300 entries, if not more.
Sadly I can’t always post good news when it comes to the PLL cast and crew, and this is one of those times. Sometime yesterday, Norman Buckley’s (PLL director) life partner Davyd took his own life due to a mental illness. It makes me so sad to hear news about people taking their precious lives. The stigma around mental health does more damage than you can possibly imagine. People expect mental patients to look depressed or insane, when in reality we look like normal happy people. No, we can’t just “toughen up” or “decide to be happy,” because for some of us happines isn’t as simple as a choice. Mental conditions are often developed during childhood due to neglect, abuse, abandonment or any kind of trauma, even if it doesn’t seem like a big deal to some people. Not everyone has a high tolerance to trauma and not everyone deals with trauma the same way.
Please take a moment to tweet something encouraging to Norman and send some love.
If you suffer from a mental condition (or if you think you might), please talk to someone. I know it’s not always easy and a lot of times your friends and family won’t understand, but we have the internet and we can always find someone we can talk to on forums. If you ever feel desperate just send me a message here or on Facebook (your questions will be answered privately if you want) and I promise I will do whatever I can to help you. I know this is a PLL account, but the show has a lot to do with mental health and I intend on spreading the message as much as I possibly can.
Here’s this week’s task for my #CrAzyLittleArmy.
If you don’t have Twitter and you have Instagram, make a simple edit (using an app, or a website like Picmonkey), listing the reasons you want Mona back. In that case make sure to tag the writers, and use as many hashtags as possible (such as #PLL, #PrettyLittleLiars, etc.)
I woke up feeling pretty hopeless this morning. It was still dark, but I got out of bed and realized it was 5 a.m. I was missing my dolls, I was missing my mother, and Hanna… I didn’t feel like going back to bed, but I didn’t wanna stay up either, so I just sat beside the window and watched some birds on a tree. I could barely see them, but I just kept watching for a while because it was the only thing that was keeping me from overthinking.
I was waiting for the nurse on duty to check if I was in my room and then I went to the children’s ward to get my Hanna doll. I wanted to stay there for a while, but even though the place was filled with dolls, I still felt alone. I went back to my room, holding my doll as tight as I could, because I was hoping it would help me feel more alive again, but it didn’t.
I went back to sleep about an hour later and then woke up when Lisa brought me breakfast. I kept staring at her the whole time she was in my room, because I was hoping she would tell me what she was talking about with my mom yesterday, but she didn’t say anything. I didn’t feel hungry either. If anything, just looking at food was making me sick. When Lisa returned she tried to make me eat, but eventually gave up. Before taking my food away she said she had a surprise for me and I just had to wait for a couple of days to find out what it is. I’m probably getting a magazine or a new teddy bear as usual so whatever.
This place is making me crazy for real. Is this depression?
I rekon Monas body in the car boot looks so much like a doll!
Mona Vanderwaal Answer:
Yup yup yup ^.^
This is a part of #MentalHealthAwarenessWeek.
If you feel discouraged or if you have haters in your life or any bullies trying to discourage you, listen to this song. Pay attention to the lyrics. You’ll feel better after hearing the song. Kisses!
I received this interesting message by iluvanimation123:
”[…] am I the only one who noticed in the fatal finale that Hanna’s hand had a bruise like right at the knuckles?
I was rewatching the episode today and saw it at the very beginning of the episode, where all the girls (except Spencer) were standing outside Mona’s house while all the cops were there and stuff. After I noticed that I started really paying attention, and 1) Hanna isn’t really seen very much in that episode. 2) her and Mona are the only ones who talk in code when they broke into radley. 3) when all the girls were talking in the bathroom, Hanna didn’t seem to have much to say. 4) at the beginning of the ep when the girls were getting ready to leave Mona’s house, Hanna went straight to Mona, and said she was “waiting for cookies”, but we don’t know what her and Mona talked about at that point. 5) when Hanna and Caleb were helping Emily with decorations, Mona called Hanna, Hanna lied to Caleb about who it was. 6) then when Mona found “proof” that Ali was A, she didn’t call Hanna, she called Aria. 7) also, when they all get to Mona’s house, Hanna walks in first, like she’s already expecting to see a mess.
Sooo, if Mona faked her death (which I really hope is what happened, cuz Mona’s my fave character), could Hanna had already known/helped her? And if Mona IS dead ( D’: ), then could it have been Hanna that did it? What do u think?”
Smart! Love this! Also, Caleb pointed out how smart Hanna was in the last episode. Smart enough to help Mona fake her death and pretend to be devastated? Loving this idea.